i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
