The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Im part way to drunk.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
