I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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