i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
