a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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