girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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