i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
