is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
