Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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