you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
