i don't like sucking hair
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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