Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
