i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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