Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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