Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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