Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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