I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I wish I only lived at night.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
