Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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