No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
