that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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