How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
