I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
