yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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