There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
