i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
