Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
