So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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