Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
