She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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