Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
