I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
