It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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