my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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