Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
