he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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