You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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