i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
