My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
