she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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