pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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