They should really pass out barf bags in church
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
