and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
