We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
