He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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