dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
