Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
