I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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