if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
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