You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
