friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
