Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
