ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
