I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
