you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
