I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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