We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
