Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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