if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
