he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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