I think I am morally bankrupt
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
